My Baby Blue Eyes..the best gift from my marriage!

Do I forgive him or not? Tomorrow marks one step closer to the end of my marriage. We get to see the arbitrator. Finally...after over a year dealing with a piece of shit lawyer who is basically useless, now the judge calls in someone else who can hopefully bring this divorce to an end. I want to say that I forgive my husband. For everything. For the lies, the cheating, the complete and total disrespect...Ireally do want to forgive him..and I tell myself that I have. But I still feel anger. I still wish him a miserable life. I want to get past that. Deep inside, I truly am grateful to have met him. Without him, I would not have my son. And without my son, my life would not be the same. And I thank God for bringing me my little boy every day...now I am praying to God to help me let go of the anger...teach me to forgive...show me the beauty in the feeling of true inner peace. Please? Look at those amazing blue eyes my little boy has.......when I see him, when I hold him, that's when I know that all of this has been worth it. That's when I can feel the anger subside...please let that feeling accompany to the Arbitration tomorrow. I pray for strength, poise, control and most of all acceptance. Whatever happens...I know I will be okay because I have those amazing blue eyes to come home to.